Waiting room

 

The most common question we have been asked and ask ourselves since our return is, “How are you doing with you here and your kids there?” This question fills my mind daily and the answer changes just about as frequently. We have been so grateful for friends and family that have truly and frequently taken the time to pray with and for us, lend an ear, let me cry on their shoulder, and simply just asked us “HOW ARE YOU?” That has meant more to me than words could express. For me this process…this waiting has taught me a lot already.

When I think about the fact that as children of Christ we have been adopted, we rarely talk about, think about, or even process how that must be for God to WAIT for us to come to him in our lives. Whether we are 5, 10, 20, or 50 when we approach God and allow HIM into our lives, he waits for us. He created us, loved us before we we’re born, and desires to adopt us from the very beginning but even the creator of the universe waits for us. True LOVE waits. And through this process I have truly seen how it is the waiting that in the oddest way makes adoption have this very unique beauty woven into its story. I have learned in my life we only wait on things that really matter to us. We only are willing to go through the wringer for something that has great value. We only adopt something as our own when we truly see life existing with it. God waits for us so it should be no surprise to me that we would wait for these boys.

In this waiting I have cried, prayed, smiled, and yearned for these boys more than ever before. In the 17 years I waited just to meet them God prepared me for that first encounter. No words could describe the moment we met except to say God’s hand was in that first encounter. Joy was abundant and peace like I have never known. It is this memory, so fresh in my head and in pictures, that gives me courage and encouragement to know that this next encounter….after more waiting, refinement, and growth in love and depth of love, will be all the more glorious.

I sat last night curled in a ball with Dave’s arms around me weeping. My favorite song “Be Still” by The Fray played on my phone and very much was God’s loving voice singing straight to my heart. I love these boys. I love them so much it hurts. And as sad as that sounds to write itis beautiful. How beautiful that we can love something so deeply. How beautiful that I get to have these boys as a gift from the very one who adopted me and taught me how to love… and now I get to give the same thing back to two beautiful creations. And in this time all I have and know is to be still with God and embrace every moment of HIS comfort and love.

Thank you friends and family for journeying with us. I am sure I will need many distractions, shoulders, ears, and tissues…We NEED you and we appreciate you! Know that as hard as this journey is I am so grateful for this gift in its entirety….because all of this…..ALL OF IT (even the waiting) led me to them. That is beautiful.

Below are these beautiful Lyrics of encouragement that I mentioned above. I hope they resonate with each of you in your own way as well!

Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And colors you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I’m with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still and know I am

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